Ellie wandered around her bedroom listlessly, picking things up and putting them down without actually seeing them. The angel figurine her grandmother had given her on her 12th birthday. The paint had faded and the eyes were hollow and empty, the gold paint on the halo was chipped in places, showing the dingy porcelain underneath. A plaque she’d been awarded in 8th grade for a poem she wrote about her father. No one in the school knew that she’d made up the entire thing. She didn’t even know her father. As she walked by it hanging on the wall, her fingers grazed it, making smudges where the dust had settled. An ancient teddy bear, received long ago from one of her mother’s many boyfriends sat on a shelf, leaning dangerously to one side, as if contemplating making the fatal plunge off the end. Upon touching the animal a cloud of dust rose, tickling her nose and causing a small sneeze. Had she been gone so long that such a thick layer of dust had accumulated? Or had she been so caught up in numbing everything that she’d never noticed?
Brown
Robe’s cackle floated down the hallway, followed by another hacking fit.
“No fucking
wonder,” Ellie murmured. “As much as that bitch smokes.”
As she said
this she passed in front of her full length mirror, raising her hand to herself
in an ironic, mock salute.
In her hand
was a burning cigarette.
She sat
down hard on her bed, tossing the smoke into an abandoned Coke can on the
nightstand. Lord knows how long that
had been there. She picked it up and shook it, feeling other, long ago
discarded butts sloshing around inside. Ew.
Stretching
out, she started up at the familiar, water-stained ceiling. She traced the
swirls in her mind, making up designs as if they were clouds. That one over
there looked like a dolphin, its tail flicking playfully in the sun. The one in
the corner looked like Saturn, the curve of the ceiling making it appear to
have rings. She sighed.
“If I don’t
get out of here I’m going to fucking lose it,” she said aloud to no one.
Without
pausing to think anymore, she hopped up off the bed and grabbed her jacket. She
walked briskly down the hall and out the front door before her mother even had
the opportunity to open her mouth. Not that she would anyway. She had just nodded
out in the chair.
As she stepped outside a breeze caught the screen door and slammed it into the side of the trailer. She looked up and noted that the sky was overcast and it smelled like rain. She pulled the hood up on her jacket and took a right out of the trailer park. Moving at a brisk pace, wished she still had her I-Pod. Knowing this was a moot point she just shrugged to herself and picked up the pace. Yet another thing she'd pawned to get a fix. Ah, well. Her mind spun in circles trying to decide where to go. After having been in county for the better part of 9 months she wasn't used to having the freedom to make that decision.
"If that stupid bitch hadn't run her fucking mouth..." she murmured under her breath.
But she cut off the self talk when she realized where it was
headed. She'd spent too long blaming others for problems she'd caused
for herself. Didn't make it hurt less, but holding a grudge against
Tiffany wasn't going to change what happened.
While she walked her mind played back the last day she'd spent
in the county lock up. Laying on her top bunk, she had her towel propped
up behind her head like a pillow. She'd been reading some trashy
romance novel and half listening to the two women underneath her having a
Bible study. Her mind didn't register the jingle the PO's keys made as
she pulled them out of her pocket, followed by the loud "KA-THUNK" noise
the door made as the lock turned and it opened. Ms Barnes came in with
her usual swagger and yelled out,
"Madding! Bunk 'n junk!"
But Ellie had learned to tune out the PO's and the noise that
usually accompanied them and hadn't really heard. Ms. Barnes walked up
to the bars and smacked her keys against them near her head.
"Madding, did you hear me? I said get your shit!"
Ellie's heart had jumped and she started, nearly falling off
the bed. The girl in the bunk across from her, Helen, laughed.
" 'Ey girl, if you don't wanna leave, I'll go for ya." The rest of the block laughed along too.
"Hey, can I get yer shit paper?" "Trade me for yo' sheet,
it's betta." "The blanket you got is warmer, lemme get it, you can give
'em mine." "You got toothpaste left?"
Ellie had laughed as she swung down off the side of the
bunk. She handed Helen her toilet paper, books, paper, pens, and soap.
"Split this with Ms Cass and Teresa," she'd said. Those were
the two who had been conducting the Bible study beneath her. Ms Cass had
loved Ellie from the moment she met her and Ellie had called her Ms
Cass.
"Hunny, we're in jail. You ain't gotta call me miss anything," she'd said.
"But you're older than me," Ellie had replied. The few
years Ellie had spent with her grandparents as a child had at the least
taught her manners.
The memory ended when she arrived at an intersection and had
to decide which way to go. Left went towards the downtown area which had
the Walmart and mall. To the right was a more residential area,
dominated by a high school and a large community building. As the light
changed she started to go left but at the last minute dashed back
through the crosswalk and headed towards the community center instead.
The sun had just started to set when she walked up to the door and
pulled it open. It had almost closed when a young man came jogging up
the steps towards her. Ellie pushed the door open and held it for him.
"Thanks," he said.
She smiled at him.
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