He had never told anyone about The Accident. It was an unspoken rule in his family that no one was to speak of Thomas. Period. No happy memories. No funny "do you remember the time...?" stories. No reminiscing about their childhoods. Nothing. His Mother tried to act as if he had never existed and his Father went along with it.
When Father lost his oldest son, he lost interest. In everything. You could've set the house on fire, in front of him, and he'd get annpyed because he wouldn't be able to finish the Cards game. He had been so proud when Tommy had joined the Corps. Tommy was the first in the family to try and make something of himself and move out of their hometown. Father worked a bullshit factory job at the tire plant, and he'd worked there his entire life. He made a career out of being miserable so he could support his family.
Mother had worked sales at JCPenney's for as long as Stephan could remember. Anjelica told him once that Mother had been a stay at home mom when her and Tommy were little. But by the time Stephan came along she'd started working full time. Stephan had several memories of doing homework at the dinner table while Anjelica cooked. Mother was always tired after being on her feet all day and Father was working second shift.
Those were the good days though. They still had each other, they were still a family. Sure, there was the typical sibling rivalry, what suburban lower middle class family would be complete without it? But Tommy protected his little brother. He taught Stephan how to throw a baseball and explained what second base was when it came to girls. He gave him his first beer and kicked his ass when he found him smoking pot.
"My brother Thomas joined the Marine Corps right out of high school," Stephan began. Ellie was sitting in the middle of the bed with her knees drawn up to her chest and her chin resting on them. The blanket covered all but her shoulders and she looked at him with wide eyes and mussed hair.
"If you don't want to tell me, that's fine," she said. "I mean, I can understand that you prolly don't want to talk about it anyway and this may not be the most appropriate time." She giggled softly and leaned forward to kiss his nose. Stephan was laying back on the pillow with his right arm bent behind his head. He smiled and tugged on the sheet, causing her left boob to pop out.
"That one's my favorite," he murmured, pulling him down next to her. "It's got a freckle." He kissed it. "Have you ever seen the movie Vanilla Sky?" he asked. She shook her head.
"There's a scene where Tom Cruise and Penelope Cruz are laying in bed together, kind of like this, doing the pillow talk thing. And he tells her that in his next life he wants to come back as the mole on her boob. I gotta say, that would be a pretty sweet reincarnation." They both laughed and she rolled into his side, tucking her head underneath his chin. She could feel his chest move as he breathed and hear his heartbeat clearly. She peeked up at him, and saw his pulse throbbing slightly in his neck. She kissed her finger and deftly placed it on that spot, making a brief wish before snuggling back down.
The room was quiet for several minutes, filled with the white noise of the box fan blowing. Occasionally they'd hear a muffled bit of whatever t.v. show his dad was watching but otherwise they were uninterrupted. Ellie thought he'd fallen asleep when she heard him say very quietly,
"My brother killed himself when I was 18."
Ellie tensed, unsure what to say. She hugged him tightly and waited to see if he'd keep going.
"He'd been back for less than a year and was living at home with me and mom and dad. Mom had started drinking while he was gone and he thought by sticking around maybe she'd quit. Or at least cut back." He paused. "But then he started drinking too. A lot."
"Tommy got a job at the tire factory with dad. He said he just wanted something to do until he figured out his next step, but he didn't really seem to be planning on going anywhere. Him and my dad fought about it all the time. Dad told him he was dumb and fucking up his future by coming back here, that he should let the military pay for his school and do something with himself. Then mom would get involved and she'd get that shrill voice thing going and they'd all end up yelling over each other. Was fucking stupid."
Ellie could feel Stephan shaking his head at the memory.
"Tommy never wanted to talk about his stint in Afghanistan. I'd ask him to tell me his war stories and he wouldn't ever go into any details. I'd ask him what it was like and all he'd say was, 'it's hot, it smells like shit, and there's always people trying to kill you. It's the armpit of the fucking universe.' "
"Anyway. I had just got outta school on a Friday and had to go home and grab my cell phone charger. Richard Kingsley's parents were out of town and I was spending the weekend with him. We were gonna have huge fucking parties every night they were gone.
"So I came in through the garage and noticed both my parents cars were gone. I was like fuckin' sweet and ended up raiding the outside fridge. I think I threw a couple Bud Lights and some Pizza Rolls in my backpack. When I opened the door that lead into the kitchen the house was super quiet. I remember thinking it was kinda weird 'cause I knew Tommy was home, his truck was in the driveway.
"I stomped up the stairs and was calling him a cocksucker and a pussy for sleeping in the middle of the afternoon. Y'know. Obnoxious little brother stuff. The door to his room was closed so I pounded on it and yanked it open real quick.I'll never forget it. I'll never get that mental image out of my head. His body was hanging there, his desk chair knocked over on the ground underneath him. He had his uniform on and his face was all fucked up looking. His eyes weren't even all the way closed. That was the creepiest part. It felt like he was looking right at me.
"So I freaked the fuck out and go and try and get him down. At first I just went up and tried to pull but as soon as I touched him he started spinning like some sick fucking joke. I turned around and threw up in the trash can. I had my pocket knife so I climbed up on the chair and cut him down. Ever moved 150 pounds of plywood all at once? That's what it fucking felt like. He was stiff and cold and just... creepy. I fell off the chair and he halfass landed on me. It was the most fucked up shit I've ever done or had to live through.
Once I got him turned over I checked his pulse, just to make sure he was really dead. And I just sat there and stared at him. I couldn't even cry. Not a single damn tear. I just kinda hunched over him and shook. I couldn't move either. Then I saw the envelope in his pocket. It had my name on it.
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